I would imagine when one lays upon the table of any bodyworker, there are a thousand and one questions occupying the monkey mind. What will this feel like? How will this help me? Will I truly heal? Is this a waste of time? After nearly a decade of being the responsible teacher, the practitioner to many, the confidante, I find myself in a role reversal. I have handed myself willingly over to a team of therapists to aid in my healing from a recent car accident.
As I mentioned in the first segment, there we many calls in those first days after the accident. And there are three key figures in this puzzle two of which I will explain in this piece. The third is an entirely separate piece.. that one on Jaqueline. My first treatment was with a therapist trained by Osteopaths, someone who blends visceral manipulation with craniosacral therapy and neural manipulation. Imagine laying on a bodywork table for six hours typically in one position, and feeling as though it's only been two maybe three hours. Imagine when you lie down you're a scrambled mess, unable to find your balance and your vision is completely blurred. Now imagine when you stand after those six hours, you feel taller, you feel balanced, your neck is no longer jammed up and your spirit feels renewed. Something about you, that true you that you've known for a while now, has returned.
This was just the beginning.
Over the course of these days into weeks, I have been finding my way thru the web of the world of a concussed brain. How to walk my large dog now, what to do when he lunges towards a squirrel or a bike, what will happen if I fall over, how to eat when I've no appetite, what to say to when people ask why I have sunglasses on inside. It's a whole other world, the world of traumatic brain injury. You are essentially living inside a lava lamp, never really knowing when it might tip and everything spills onto the floor - who will help clean it up? You walk around trying to avoid the lava lamp ever tipping over. You breathe and eat and sleep in a different reality than those walking around next to you. The tendency is to pull in, to retreat, to isolate, to withdraw - this is normal and this is trauma.
There are two professionals in the world of trauma who've made huge strides in how we (finally) comprehend how trauma affects the brain and our lives holistically. One is Peter Levine the other is Dr. Gabor Mate. As stated on Dr. Mate's page, "Using Compassionate Inquiry, the therapist unveils the level of consciousness, mental climate, hidden assumptions, implicit memories and body states that form the real message that words both express and conceal. Through Compassionate Inquiry, the client can recognize the unconscious dynamics that run their lives and how to liberate themselves from them." This is where my deep inquiry into TBI (traumatic brain injury) begins, and where I pose the question: when we begin to heal the brain injury, what surfaces as we embark on that journey? What ghosts come to the surface, what is unlocked? Can we start to see these injuries as terrible as they are, some odd blessing in disguise? Are we ready to heal and can we truly be there for ourselves during the process?
I think I fell in love with my acupuncturist when he asked me, "What is your experience with purgatives?" At first, I had to think about what the word meant because I've honestly never had anyone ask me this question, and I know I've talked about it in my own practice - classic role reversal moment there. I recall becoming excited, intrigued, and having a deep sense of "I'm definitely in the right place!" But let me take this opportunity to go back a bit, to our first session together. I was two weeks fresh from the accident with one stabilizing session with the other therapist when I came in for this session. His choice of treatment that day was in my opinion completely brilliant. After checking my pulses, tongue, and talking with me he chose a course of action I was so pleased with - bloodletting. {Please see the separate post about this incredibly powerful and ancient treatment that helps so many.} He chose three sites of evacuation: each ear and the upper back near my cervical spine. The feeling was actually quite nice, gentle, and subtle but overall took a few days. His notice of blood congestion, stagnation, and blood qi (energy) being low felt spot on to me. I recall coming home that night thinking that I have just started one interesting journey... just when I thought I saw all there was to be seen in the healing arts.
It's been important for me to recognize the arrogance I've had in my professional life, but more imperative where it comes from and how it disables me. Studying under some of the most elite practitioners in the world can play games with you if you're not careful. As a student, I sought out the best. The best yoga teachers, the best Rolfers, the best acupuncturists, the best osteopaths. I sought them out to learn from them, more importantly, it was a conscious action in an attempt to reverse the years of lies, withholding, neglect, and abuse I endured as a young girl and woman.
Seekers have the ability to find exactly what they need when they need it, and I do believe universal law plays a vital role. The journey is often the deeper piece of this. So here I stand in the open ability to receive care from people I trust. And I do consider this journey now vastly differs from sessions I've had over the past few years as I'd call more maintenance. I consider myself a seeker and what I will attempt to share with you in the coming weeks into months is my gift back to all of those who've helped me along my way. The clients, the students, the teachers, we really are all in need of each other to make this world what it's intended to teach us which is love.
Tomorrow I will dive into the more recent experience with the craniosacral therapist. An eight-hour session which drove me to the front door of my home. I'll end by sharing, today was the first day since August, 3rd 2021 that I have been 100% headache-free!
Buona Notte.
L'